Master of the Map (a freewrite)
Word Vomit 3:
Unedited, automatic journaling entry (20 mins, April 2019- My attempt to comfort myself during my daily dose of an existential crisis)
When I look at you, I see a being trying to simply navigate the world. You think that is your priority- your ability to journey through this world. In reality, it’s in your second nature if you would just learn to operate through your own eyes. Then everything else becomes involuntary. You operate as yourself… you become yourself- genuinely embody yourself- and then everything else aligns. If you wholeheartedly embrace yourself at all times, you become the master of your map. You understand how to respond to anything truthfully, because you’ve finally allowed yourself to acknowledge yourself.
You know exactly who you are. I know you know. You know you know. You just get in your own head. You ruminate on what you want to be, how you think you ought to be, and how you think you are perceived. But truthfully, you already are everything you are… Stop looking from the glasses of others. Learn to release this method you’ve created of paving your own life by blindly following a foreign, established map. You do not have to prove anything to anyone. Just be your light. Just be your compassionate heart. Just let your love surmount your every breath so you enliven everyone you come in contact with.
You know the answers. You have it all. Stop telling yourself you don’t, or that you have to search for it. Everything, as you know, comes when you stop searching. If you would just sit for a minute and truly breathe, you would feel yourself riding the wave you’ve been trying so hard to fight against. Just be and see what happens. You know the flow. And when you choose to embrace it in its fullest capacity, you’ll remember that you are never alone. You always have help and guidance around you. You always have support around you. When you don’t know what to do… get still. Allow yourself to steady yourself. Nothing to prove. You are here.
There is always so much you want to see but prevent yourself from seeing. Your worry, your guilt, your frustration when your instincts contradict with your values… it all comes from a pure heart. You’ll continue to make mistakes. You’ll continue evolving from those mistakes. “When you know better, you do better…” Love yourself for wherever you’re at on your journey right now. Hold compassion for who you’ve been. Be open to all the growth that’s to come. You’re reinventing yourself everyday...
You are yourself in the greatest capacity and nobody can ever take that away from you. Breathe into your essence. Feel liberated to be yourself instead of feeling obligated to find yourself. You know what to do.